regarding the 2nd thought

15, 13, 11. - they're growing up as fast as everyone warned us they would.  It's becoming tradition to watch old home videos on the kids' birthdays.  So, on Ellie's birthday we watched a hilarious video we made several Christmases ago.  It kind of felt like an Ebeneezer Scrooge and Ghost of Christmas Past moment as we peeked into happy moments of a young family.  

Later, we were talking about how hard surrounding circumstances were at the time the video was made.  Trevor was just starting his business at Edward Jones and we had recently moved away from all that was familiar.  But if we didn't know that background and all we had to go by was the video, we would assume that all was well. 

Two thoughts: 1. What a great picture of what the home should be - a safe haven.

                      2. What a great picture of how we need to be transparent with our 

                          challenges and not just record and project that everything's great
                          when, in truth, we're struggling.

I guess I'll start (regarding the 2nd thought).  I was not a good mom to my oldest son yesterday.  I was immature and easily angered.  He desires all the things we prayed he would desire and is serving God with his life; he's a terrific son.  But, I managed to nit-pick at a few irritants and ruined our day together.  Yuck.

Praying for no yuck today on my part.

confession of a sad heart

The kids had to watch the inauguration yesterday. Their assignment was to record their thoughts about the festivities, procedure and speeches. It's funny what catches their attention. They had a hard time getting past Aretha's bow.
The boys just went out to play their part in the Bair Lake bob-sled team. The BMX course doubles as a bob-sled run in the winter. At least it's not so cold today.
Today I'm remembering a quote from a Canada trip I went on with the Alma COG youth. Our fearless youth leader, Diann, would frequently say, "life is difficult". It is. Now, I'm not in a situation that warrants feeling sorry for myself, but life is difficult. Right now I just want to scrap it all and give 100% of my time to sharing this treasure I have. It's difficult to teach my kids to divide fractions when so many are walking outside of a covenant with Jesus. Today's been difficult. Actually yesterday was too. The seen and the unseen have been mis-prioritzed. I am malnourished. He's supposed to be my daily bread; not my occasional bread. I need you, Lord. I have been trying so hard on my own. I can't have joy without you. I have ceased to worship you and I miss you. Father, please forgive me for hurting you by forgetting you. Everything and everyone else in my life has pushed ahead of you. What kind of example am I? I talk the talk, but you are like a long-neglected friend.

Blogging is strange. It helps me process though. It's a personal prayer that I'm tempted to delete, but I'm not going to. We're too good at putting our best face forward. We are ugly without Him. And I think we should be about disclosing our weak moments and our sin. My sin is this: forgetting my first love.